Let me tell you something about a Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson. He's a cock sucker. Girls might jump to the hasty conclusion that I hate his beautiful fucking face because I'm jealous. Fact: You're an idiot if you think that, and dont deserve the freedoms which Women's Rights Activists fought so hard for, bitch. I hate Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson for a wide variety of reasons. Firstly, I hate him because he's completely ruined the concept of vampires for me. Shit, I'll even go so far as to say he's ruined yesteryears horror movie master Vincent Price for me. I cant even look at him without thinking of glittery skin. What an ass. Plus, have you seen the trailers for this new movie he's coming out with? Here: http://www.nowpublic.com/culture/robert-pattinson-new-movie-remember-me-trailer-video-2521585.html
It's in HD, so you can actually see his camel toe.
Lets not forget this rumor about him playing the new Spiderman? I swear to god if he does this I will hunt down the president of Sony and feed him his own testicles, along with every other males testicles in their entire family in front of the entire world. so they all know that this assholes bloodline just came to a screeching hault. See, I like Spiderman. He's probably my favorite of all superheros (with Batman at a close second,) and to see this guy, this stupid fucking pansy-man as your friendly neighborhood Spiderman makes me cringe. I truely, sincerely detest Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson.
Secondly, I hate how he has single handedly bred an abomination of a generation of Vampyre Kidz. It's like that one episode of Southpark, you know the one where the goth kids are pissed at the Vampyre kidz for copping their style? Amazing foresight SP writers, kudos. Now dont get me wrong, I am by no means sympathizing with the equally douchey Goth kids. I am however, sympathizing with the general population, with whom must deal with these two groups of industrial/AFI (New AFI, where Davey Havoc is a hot goth chick) loving, "across the street" wrist slitting, homo-erotic assholes plaguing Waffle House, any and all venues, or anywhere you're at, really. They're like cockroaches. In the sense that where there's one, there's more, they're hard to get rid of, and they're afraid of the light. Haaaaa! It's especially annoying when you're just standing there, minding your own business, and if you happen to be wearing all black, because it's an easy color to wear, and this little shit bag, in an attempt to impress his morbidly obese girlfriend wearing a dog collar, like the fucking pitbull that she is, tries to talk shit on you. Hey kid. If I werent afraid of the cops, I'd stomp your teeth out, and then run from your girlfriend, because she would probably kick my ass. Also, no, you cant bum a fucking "cig." Maybe I'm just jealous that at the age of 15 they can grow a better mustache than me.
You know what gets me through each day? Inebriation? Sure, sometimes. Exercise? It helps, that's for sure. Friends? I suppose so, sure. ELO? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is, Electric Light Orchestra. The symphonic rock sensation that took over from the early 70's to mid 80's. Best known for their smash hit "Evil Woman," ELO is a 7 man force that would make Philip Glass shit himself. After having 11 killer wax smashers, winning over 50 different awards, having innumerable amounts of top 40 hits, ELO still hasnt made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Fuck Cleveland.
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