Dearest Evelyn,
You have been, and will forever be, an inspiration to me. I have but one regret in the short, but passionate life I've lived, and that is not ripping open my chest and letting my love for you burst out. Please don't look at this as me leaving you because of a distaste for you. I just don't feel as though I deserve to be able to stand so close to you. You were the very hands and knees which I found myself crawling on so often through this life of unbearably difficult hurdles and decisions. I'm sorry I couldn't be the man you deserved.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Half a mile from the county fair, and the rain came pouring down...
So. Having been around deeply inebriated young adults whilst being more sober than not, I've come to the inevitable conclusion. I hate myself. Hear me out. I have this nasty habit of getting pretty drunk, and now that the truth has been unveiled, after being let out of the darkness and being thrust with the utmost force into the unbearably bright light of reality, I've realized not only do I have a nasty habit of getting pretty drunk, I, therefore, have a nasty habit of being a complete jackass. I suppose that's not much of a secret though. I mean, just ask my friends. Also, I've realized that I can't stand people. Absolutely detest them. Parties, as well. Parties are meant for one thing. An excuse for people to do things they regret, and fuck, which I suppose both go hand in hand, more often than not. People are always looking for someone to fuck, it's like second nature to these people. It's like breathing, but with genitals. I suppose I'm just as guilty of it, but at least I have enough testicular fortitude to admit it. That makes me better than the rest of you.
When is the last time you heard a song that brought you to tears? Has it ever happened? If not, you're not listening to the right stuff, man. When it hits you, my god, it will be unlike anything you'll ever feel. An absolute clusterfuck of feeling. It makes me want to blow my brains out, or beat the shit out of a brick wall until my knuckles are not only exposed, but are crumbling right before my eyes, but out of sheer joy. Too much of anything is bad, even happiness. Pure, uncorrupted, raw soul will, as Satan as my witness, will be the death of me. Either that, or metal, obviously.
In an effort to perk up, and not be completely morose around you, I've begun... Ugh, "pumping iron," for lack of better terms. It's to my understanding that regular and exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Warmer, happier, that sort of thing. That, and I'm going to get buff so I can start fucking people up when they piss me off.
Sometimes I feel like it's best to just cut your losses and move on, rather than try to rebuild a relationship with a person. Relationships, platonic or otherwise, should be easy. Without hurdles, and without struggle. If not, it's a matter of your own stubborn ways. To think otherwise just proves my point.
Fishing, ladies and gentlemen, is the single most important activity anyone, assuming they're in an appropriate climate, can practice. It stresses, even forces ease, relaxation, patience, and conversation. Only pussies and hippies don't like fishing. Pussies and hippies substitute fishing for yoga, and that's fucking stupid.
I swear to god, if I hear another person talking about how awesome Jersey Shore is, I'm going to personally travel to the Jersey Shore, and I'm going to destroy it. Oh wait. Look, the fact of the matter is people are buying into such a fucking gimmick. Those people are put there for people to make fun of. To laugh at. To sarcastically, and ironically cheer and mimic. Those people were chosen out of a huge group of people who were picked because they were best suited to absorb and feed off of this negativity. Like a plant converting sunlight into nourishment, these fucking vampires of constructive criticism only continue to thrive because of America's youth. Thanks again, assholes.
Jackie Wilson said... We lack the luster of yesteryear.
When is the last time you heard a song that brought you to tears? Has it ever happened? If not, you're not listening to the right stuff, man. When it hits you, my god, it will be unlike anything you'll ever feel. An absolute clusterfuck of feeling. It makes me want to blow my brains out, or beat the shit out of a brick wall until my knuckles are not only exposed, but are crumbling right before my eyes, but out of sheer joy. Too much of anything is bad, even happiness. Pure, uncorrupted, raw soul will, as Satan as my witness, will be the death of me. Either that, or metal, obviously.
In an effort to perk up, and not be completely morose around you, I've begun... Ugh, "pumping iron," for lack of better terms. It's to my understanding that regular and exercise is supposed to make you feel better. Warmer, happier, that sort of thing. That, and I'm going to get buff so I can start fucking people up when they piss me off.
Sometimes I feel like it's best to just cut your losses and move on, rather than try to rebuild a relationship with a person. Relationships, platonic or otherwise, should be easy. Without hurdles, and without struggle. If not, it's a matter of your own stubborn ways. To think otherwise just proves my point.
Fishing, ladies and gentlemen, is the single most important activity anyone, assuming they're in an appropriate climate, can practice. It stresses, even forces ease, relaxation, patience, and conversation. Only pussies and hippies don't like fishing. Pussies and hippies substitute fishing for yoga, and that's fucking stupid.
I swear to god, if I hear another person talking about how awesome Jersey Shore is, I'm going to personally travel to the Jersey Shore, and I'm going to destroy it. Oh wait. Look, the fact of the matter is people are buying into such a fucking gimmick. Those people are put there for people to make fun of. To laugh at. To sarcastically, and ironically cheer and mimic. Those people were chosen out of a huge group of people who were picked because they were best suited to absorb and feed off of this negativity. Like a plant converting sunlight into nourishment, these fucking vampires of constructive criticism only continue to thrive because of America's youth. Thanks again, assholes.
Jackie Wilson said... We lack the luster of yesteryear.
Friday, January 15, 2010
In an attempt to fill in the cracks...
Let me tell you something about a Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson. He's a cock sucker. Girls might jump to the hasty conclusion that I hate his beautiful fucking face because I'm jealous. Fact: You're an idiot if you think that, and dont deserve the freedoms which Women's Rights Activists fought so hard for, bitch. I hate Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson for a wide variety of reasons. Firstly, I hate him because he's completely ruined the concept of vampires for me. Shit, I'll even go so far as to say he's ruined yesteryears horror movie master Vincent Price for me. I cant even look at him without thinking of glittery skin. What an ass. Plus, have you seen the trailers for this new movie he's coming out with? Here: http://www.nowpublic.com/culture/robert-pattinson-new-movie-remember-me-trailer-video-2521585.html
It's in HD, so you can actually see his camel toe.
Lets not forget this rumor about him playing the new Spiderman? I swear to god if he does this I will hunt down the president of Sony and feed him his own testicles, along with every other males testicles in their entire family in front of the entire world. so they all know that this assholes bloodline just came to a screeching hault. See, I like Spiderman. He's probably my favorite of all superheros (with Batman at a close second,) and to see this guy, this stupid fucking pansy-man as your friendly neighborhood Spiderman makes me cringe. I truely, sincerely detest Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson.
Secondly, I hate how he has single handedly bred an abomination of a generation of Vampyre Kidz. It's like that one episode of Southpark, you know the one where the goth kids are pissed at the Vampyre kidz for copping their style? Amazing foresight SP writers, kudos. Now dont get me wrong, I am by no means sympathizing with the equally douchey Goth kids. I am however, sympathizing with the general population, with whom must deal with these two groups of industrial/AFI (New AFI, where Davey Havoc is a hot goth chick) loving, "across the street" wrist slitting, homo-erotic assholes plaguing Waffle House, any and all venues, or anywhere you're at, really. They're like cockroaches. In the sense that where there's one, there's more, they're hard to get rid of, and they're afraid of the light. Haaaaa! It's especially annoying when you're just standing there, minding your own business, and if you happen to be wearing all black, because it's an easy color to wear, and this little shit bag, in an attempt to impress his morbidly obese girlfriend wearing a dog collar, like the fucking pitbull that she is, tries to talk shit on you. Hey kid. If I werent afraid of the cops, I'd stomp your teeth out, and then run from your girlfriend, because she would probably kick my ass. Also, no, you cant bum a fucking "cig." Maybe I'm just jealous that at the age of 15 they can grow a better mustache than me.
You know what gets me through each day? Inebriation? Sure, sometimes. Exercise? It helps, that's for sure. Friends? I suppose so, sure. ELO? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is, Electric Light Orchestra. The symphonic rock sensation that took over from the early 70's to mid 80's. Best known for their smash hit "Evil Woman," ELO is a 7 man force that would make Philip Glass shit himself. After having 11 killer wax smashers, winning over 50 different awards, having innumerable amounts of top 40 hits, ELO still hasnt made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Fuck Cleveland.
It's in HD, so you can actually see his camel toe.
Lets not forget this rumor about him playing the new Spiderman? I swear to god if he does this I will hunt down the president of Sony and feed him his own testicles, along with every other males testicles in their entire family in front of the entire world. so they all know that this assholes bloodline just came to a screeching hault. See, I like Spiderman. He's probably my favorite of all superheros (with Batman at a close second,) and to see this guy, this stupid fucking pansy-man as your friendly neighborhood Spiderman makes me cringe. I truely, sincerely detest Mr. Robert Fucking Pattinson.
Secondly, I hate how he has single handedly bred an abomination of a generation of Vampyre Kidz. It's like that one episode of Southpark, you know the one where the goth kids are pissed at the Vampyre kidz for copping their style? Amazing foresight SP writers, kudos. Now dont get me wrong, I am by no means sympathizing with the equally douchey Goth kids. I am however, sympathizing with the general population, with whom must deal with these two groups of industrial/AFI (New AFI, where Davey Havoc is a hot goth chick) loving, "across the street" wrist slitting, homo-erotic assholes plaguing Waffle House, any and all venues, or anywhere you're at, really. They're like cockroaches. In the sense that where there's one, there's more, they're hard to get rid of, and they're afraid of the light. Haaaaa! It's especially annoying when you're just standing there, minding your own business, and if you happen to be wearing all black, because it's an easy color to wear, and this little shit bag, in an attempt to impress his morbidly obese girlfriend wearing a dog collar, like the fucking pitbull that she is, tries to talk shit on you. Hey kid. If I werent afraid of the cops, I'd stomp your teeth out, and then run from your girlfriend, because she would probably kick my ass. Also, no, you cant bum a fucking "cig." Maybe I'm just jealous that at the age of 15 they can grow a better mustache than me.
You know what gets me through each day? Inebriation? Sure, sometimes. Exercise? It helps, that's for sure. Friends? I suppose so, sure. ELO? Abso-fucking-lutely. That is, Electric Light Orchestra. The symphonic rock sensation that took over from the early 70's to mid 80's. Best known for their smash hit "Evil Woman," ELO is a 7 man force that would make Philip Glass shit himself. After having 11 killer wax smashers, winning over 50 different awards, having innumerable amounts of top 40 hits, ELO still hasnt made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Fuck Cleveland.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Waves and waves and waves and crash and waves.
I detest almost every emotion that comes to me, be they mine, be they yours.
You know what I hate? I hate love. Not the way that pretentious heartbroken poets hate love, the way that a realist hates love. To believe in love is immature, childish, a fairy tale life. Love is like politics. Dirty lies and tolerance for people that you dont really care that much about at all, just so they'll keep you around for a few more years. Yeah, I like that.
The reason I cant be happy for anyone is because most of the people who are happy dont even know it, and when they do know it, they dont know why. Unappreciative for one of the most amazing feelings you can never have. If you're happy and you dont know it, how do you know you're happy? How do you know you're just not sad? I hope I bummed you out, you deserve it.
I hate the fact that I like Charles Bukowski. Why? Have you met Charles Bukowski fans? Imagine a Phish fan who intentionally drives themselves into an alcoholic slump to achieve that necessary "status" of a good writer. You're pathetic.
How do you not like Iron Maiden?
My current favorite thing to do is play drums. I think it's because it provides me an opportunity to drown out the sounds of you guys bitching about scarves.
How do you not like Iron Maiden?
Never trust someone who falls into any of the following categories;
-They dont listen to Iron Maiden
-They dont drink, and I stress this.*
-They have an overwhelmingly blunt faith in a religion. Any religion.
-They lack subtlety in general.
-They have a tendency to not adapt to their situation, but to mimic it. In laments terms, you fucking idiot, a product of their environment. This suggests a feeble personality, thus inconsistancy, thus a lack of trust.
-They find tattoos to be immoral and wrong.
-They're overly political, unless their profession requires them to be so. A business major has no fucking place telling me shit about D.C.
-They've never smoked pot before.*
-They love their highschool.
-They spend more time perfecting themselves than they do destroying themselves.
-They believe the swine flu is in fact a plague. Shit, if they think it's even a problem at all, kick them straight to the curb.
-They think blogging is actually a legitimate form of writing and can build a career solely on it. I'm looking your way Perez Hilton, you stinky pile of twice excreted feces. Ok, honestly, how the fuck does this burden on society, this big fat fucking puss-filled boil on the image of America, get away with being on TV, yet they wont legalize pot or gay marriage due to morality issues? Though I suppose that's me being overly political.
-They like Perez Hilton.
-They like Paris Hilton.
-They have the gall, the unrelenting nerve to break your concentration with a phone call that says "Dude, James. I accidently smoked pot. No, no I mean like, I gave into peer pressure and now I'm driving and... hey, James. Am I driving alright? I'm not speeding am I? Ok cool. OH WAIT, SHIT. What street does Richard live on again? ...I think I just passed it. Dude, I'm too high for this, I have to go."
-They consider a Mr. Robert Zimmerman to be one of the best vocalists of all time. If they consider him to have a better voice than Van Morrison, I urge you to stab them with the nearest, dullest, rustiest object you can get your slimey little mits on.
-They dont like any sport at all. Having said that, I'd like to clarify that they needn't be a sports fanatic. They dont even have to play the sport. If you can't talk to a stranger in a bar about any sports event to have ever happened, you should be cast out of society to live with the rest of the un-physically active critters wandering around the once lush, now toxic forests of America.
-They love Mother Nature. Haiti. New Orleans. China. The dinosaurs. Need me to keep going?
-They dont like comedy. If you have no sense of humor, you really, truely will never ever find joy in life. You know who doesnt have a sense of humor? The suicide bombers. Maybe follow their example, except you dont have to kill dozens of other innocent people, but then again, that's just me being overly political.
*These instances dont apply to a Mr. Tyler Witte, because he's amazing, and he's pure of any and all inebriating substances.
I've begun writing a memoir. Unless you want your name to be completely, ruthlessly, brutally honestly, and hilariously tarnished, I suggest either getting your game tight, or stop talking to me.
"James likes most of us... Right?"
You know what I hate? I hate love. Not the way that pretentious heartbroken poets hate love, the way that a realist hates love. To believe in love is immature, childish, a fairy tale life. Love is like politics. Dirty lies and tolerance for people that you dont really care that much about at all, just so they'll keep you around for a few more years. Yeah, I like that.
The reason I cant be happy for anyone is because most of the people who are happy dont even know it, and when they do know it, they dont know why. Unappreciative for one of the most amazing feelings you can never have. If you're happy and you dont know it, how do you know you're happy? How do you know you're just not sad? I hope I bummed you out, you deserve it.
I hate the fact that I like Charles Bukowski. Why? Have you met Charles Bukowski fans? Imagine a Phish fan who intentionally drives themselves into an alcoholic slump to achieve that necessary "status" of a good writer. You're pathetic.
How do you not like Iron Maiden?
My current favorite thing to do is play drums. I think it's because it provides me an opportunity to drown out the sounds of you guys bitching about scarves.
How do you not like Iron Maiden?
Never trust someone who falls into any of the following categories;
-They dont listen to Iron Maiden
-They dont drink, and I stress this.*
-They have an overwhelmingly blunt faith in a religion. Any religion.
-They lack subtlety in general.
-They have a tendency to not adapt to their situation, but to mimic it. In laments terms, you fucking idiot, a product of their environment. This suggests a feeble personality, thus inconsistancy, thus a lack of trust.
-They find tattoos to be immoral and wrong.
-They're overly political, unless their profession requires them to be so. A business major has no fucking place telling me shit about D.C.
-They've never smoked pot before.*
-They love their highschool.
-They spend more time perfecting themselves than they do destroying themselves.
-They believe the swine flu is in fact a plague. Shit, if they think it's even a problem at all, kick them straight to the curb.
-They think blogging is actually a legitimate form of writing and can build a career solely on it. I'm looking your way Perez Hilton, you stinky pile of twice excreted feces. Ok, honestly, how the fuck does this burden on society, this big fat fucking puss-filled boil on the image of America, get away with being on TV, yet they wont legalize pot or gay marriage due to morality issues? Though I suppose that's me being overly political.
-They like Perez Hilton.
-They like Paris Hilton.
-They have the gall, the unrelenting nerve to break your concentration with a phone call that says "Dude, James. I accidently smoked pot. No, no I mean like, I gave into peer pressure and now I'm driving and... hey, James. Am I driving alright? I'm not speeding am I? Ok cool. OH WAIT, SHIT. What street does Richard live on again? ...I think I just passed it. Dude, I'm too high for this, I have to go."
-They consider a Mr. Robert Zimmerman to be one of the best vocalists of all time. If they consider him to have a better voice than Van Morrison, I urge you to stab them with the nearest, dullest, rustiest object you can get your slimey little mits on.
-They dont like any sport at all. Having said that, I'd like to clarify that they needn't be a sports fanatic. They dont even have to play the sport. If you can't talk to a stranger in a bar about any sports event to have ever happened, you should be cast out of society to live with the rest of the un-physically active critters wandering around the once lush, now toxic forests of America.
-They love Mother Nature. Haiti. New Orleans. China. The dinosaurs. Need me to keep going?
-They dont like comedy. If you have no sense of humor, you really, truely will never ever find joy in life. You know who doesnt have a sense of humor? The suicide bombers. Maybe follow their example, except you dont have to kill dozens of other innocent people, but then again, that's just me being overly political.
*These instances dont apply to a Mr. Tyler Witte, because he's amazing, and he's pure of any and all inebriating substances.
I've begun writing a memoir. Unless you want your name to be completely, ruthlessly, brutally honestly, and hilariously tarnished, I suggest either getting your game tight, or stop talking to me.
"James likes most of us... Right?"
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
