"I look at pictures of myself as a source of inspiration, ugly fuck!"

As unfortunate as the title may sound, it speaks the truth. I was looking at pictures of myself when I finally decided to update this ancient tablet. They were, however, pictures of me as a little fat fuck baby, but they were self images regardless. Judge as harshly as you wish, but if you sit there and say you've never looked at your own baby picture and never thought to yourself,
"My god, I was beautiful. What could've possibly happened to me? I took a complete turn around!"

You're a liar.

By the way, you'll have to excuse the grammatical errors, I'm quite drunk.

Annabelle is coming home in about thirty six hours. I hope I can give her a reason to miss Cincinnati, but I think Cincinnati will give her a reason to want to leave before I can accomplish my goal.

I've been getting more and more aggressive in my behavior with each passing day. Rest easy, guys and gals, I am, by no means, on some homicidal shit, for lack of better terms. I am, however, just very aggressive. I've been feeling overly confident lately, and I think this gaudy confidence must be a cause of my overly aggressive attitude. I've never been big on fighting, and I still think it's stupid, however, lately I've been thinking that if it were to happen, I'd be way more prone to get into it. I mean, why not? I'm 22 years young and only been in a small handful of scuffles. Most of which I had no direct blame. I was just a civi! Now, I'm certainly not trying to walk down the street with my chin up, shoulders spread, and chest out looking for someone who wants to scuffle with a malnourished-esque white boy from the burbs, but I mean I guess what I'm trying to say is I feel good. I feel alive! I feel vulnerable! I feel mortal! I feel death brushing his long, thin fingertips up and down my neck and back, as if trying to comfort me into falling asleep, but I never do! I stay alert, I stay focused, but I stay aware of the constant, ever present inevitability wafting gently, closer then anyone could ever imagine. That's another thing. No matter how prepared for death you think you are, be it a relative or even your own (I assume), you can never fully equip yourself for such a venture. If I had a dollar for ever minute I spent repeating to myself,

"Be strong. You knew this was coming. This is natural. You knew this was coming. This is life. You knew this was coming. It's better this way. You knew this was coming. Think of your family. You knew this was coming. You have to be strong for them. You knew this was coming and you know how to handle it..."

I'd be a god damned millionaire... But it's just not that easy.

I'm rambling. I know that blogs are more or less THE place to ramble, it's essentially what they're made for, but I can never bring myself to believe that my ramblings are legitimate, let alone validated. So instead of fartin' around with all of this wasted rhetoric, I'll take a stab at talking about something relevant.
















Sike.







Alright, alright. Enough fun. I honestly can't believe what I've allowed myself to become. Where is my head? It's clearly not in the game. That's the easy part. The hard part is finding out where my head is, or I guess if it's the weekend, where my head has been. Heh heh, ladies. Heh heh. I'm obviously kidding. Isn't it funny that it's always the guys who never get laid who constantly talk about getting laid? I mean, I dont mean to rain on your ever-so-dry parade fellas, but when you haven't made it with a lovely woman you always tend to make it very apparent, and I feel like that's your downfall, and I'm willing to bet there's a lot of girls, who you've probably hit on, who would totally agree with me. Wanna know why? Because I'm really fucking smart.

Speaking of my intelligence, you wanna know what I would say to married couples facing a divorce? I'd sit them both down, let them know how ugly they both are, because we all know they are, and I'd tell them to grow the fuck up, recognize the qualities in your partner that you fell in love with other than their rockin' body, which obviously faded with time, and learn to appreciate it, or get ready for a long, lonely life spent with different partners who are as fickle as you and the only consistancy is the dog that you own. That's right you old fogie, you'll end up alone and dying with your boston terrier. You want that? Knock yourself out. I, however, would rather grow old and decrepit with a human than a dog any day. Not only does it remind you of just how humane you used to be, but it counts as a double pat on the back for managing to convince a broad to stick with you for as long as she did. Wear that saggy skin as a badge of honor. A badge of gross, smelly, varicose, geriatric honor. You know what Grampa Fred? You deserve not only one Medal of Honor, but you deserve two. Because despite how much I appreciate the beauty of a mature woman, I could never bring myself to do it with a codger. That is, I could never bang a real, honest to god grannie. It's just gross. It just is.


I think I've covered all bases.

"You need to update your blog you lazy fuck"

We as people, as a relatively civilized society share a similar set of guidelines. A set of unwritten rules that sort of separate the rats from the royalty, so to speak. You wanna know what I think? It's all bullshit. You know what makes me writhe in disgust and resentment? When you're in a one-man bathroom in a bar, don't lock the door, and don't give a verbal warning to the handsome young man walking in to take a piss. Those guys who go to social gatherings, not huge parties really, but more a large intimate gathering of similar people, picks someone out like a homicidal maniac with a sniper rifle aiming into a crowd, and decides to barrage that poor sap with so much political and philosophical horse shit that it makes erotic asphyxiation sound like a really good time. Don't misunderstand me, I'm all for having a stimulating conversation and everything, but when the bulk of the conversation involves you discussing either the science and possibility behind a cyborg super army, various government conspiracies/secret societies, or the fucking oil spill, it really makes me want to kill myself. Replace the cyborg super army with space travel, Mars rovers and the like. Toss that government conspiracy jive and let's talk about... actually let's just forget about politics all together. It's dumb for 20-something's who, if spent a fraction of our time reading newspapers and watching the news as we did getting drunk and talking about the news we didn't hear about, would probably be the greatest presidents this country's ever seen, to discuss such trivial matters in a situation you know god damned well is not an ok thing to talk about, especially with someone you don't know.

I suppose it all comes down to manners. If you meet someone new, say through a friend of a friend, it's generally a good idea to not really swear too often. Don't walk around your friends parents' house without a shirt on in the middle of the day. Good posture when meeting someone of great significance is an absolute must. Straighten up you little shit, you're not even 30 year's old and you already look like you need a walker. For god's sake chew with your mouth closed. I don't know what it is, but the sound of people chewing up a mouthful of food digs underneath my skin deeper than the fucking bones in my body. I mean, you guys know the rules!

So basically what I'm trying to say is tighten up guys. You're only following the basic rules. I'm not saying you should start sipping tea with your pinkie jutting out from the cup like a radio tower from the Earth, however, I am saying you should lock the bathroom door in public places, you asshole!

I'm just saying...

Ok, so it's not like I want my blog to be a series of paragraphs spewing hatred regarding celebrities or anything, but seriously, they make it entirely too easy. So Just Bieber... He's got a song out called "Somebody to Love." Oh, I'm sorry, I thought Queen sort of already used that title. The Black Eyed Peas have a song called I've Got A Feeling? Yeah, THE BEATLES ALREADY USED THAT TITLE. I know it's a minor ripoff, but seriously. Cut that shit out. While we're on the subject, I'd like to remind you all of a Pepsi (gross) commercial that came out some time in 2009, and it was basically a split screen showing things from the past, and then the equivalent of that thing, except a modern version, and Will I Am, that fucking asshole, has the audacity to follow up an image of Bob Dylan with his big fat fucking face. Now I'm no huge fan of Dylan or anything, but I'm even less of a Black Eyed Peas fan, and can decipher the difference between a song with some blood, and a blasé, corny pop song. Apparently, Will I am, can not.

I'm not asking anyone to stop making music. Keep it up, you're making a shit ton of money, and it's all on you when a chick takes a few more shots of Wild Berry Smirnoff to the face because her favorite Mike Posner song gets played, and she gets drunk enough to actually become a chick I could potentially bang, and I back that. I'm just saying, stop being a dick about your execution. You know when people see the title of those tracks they're going to think to themselves, "Oh wow, Bieber's covering Queen? That's sort of a drag, but it's pretty cool that he's at least trying. Do it to it, JB, do it to it." But upon playing the song, they're quick to realize, "Oh yeah, I forgot. He's a soul-less tool, used for nothing but profit and moistening the females britches."

You know what really annoys me? When people assume the only way your decision/opinion on a matter will only be changed if they just spew unto you really cliche reasons to or not to. Having said that, I'd like to establish the fact that I'm not really trying to persuade you to start, if you don't already, hating this or that, however, I'm just bringing the turkey to the table. The fork and knife are in your hands, it's your call big guy.

Aaaaaanyways. I'm going to try and start writing more, which means I guess I'll have to actually search for things that I hate. Oh cruel fate, you're such a dickhead.

DM vs BM

Death metal is sooo much better then black metal.

Seriously?

Ok, I'm sure we can all agree that Lady Gaga's music is, in fact, a corrupting addition to mankind equal, or even greater, to the inventing of the nuclear bomb. Now though, it's more than just her music. It's her every being. The very atoms which make up her horrid, sloppy, make-up encrusted fucking face, are slowly destroying our image as human beings. Listen, if you want to listen to Lady Gaga and throw Lady Gaga theme parties and freak the fuck out when the DJ plays Lady Gaga or whatever, that's totally cool, but if you honestly believe she's something more than just a modern day Madonna, and that she's going to bring something refreshing to pop music, you're a fucking fool. Hell, you can't even say she's a modern day Madonna, because Madonna's still around! People are just so oblivious to how unoriginal and ass-backwards she REALLY is. I, being the generous, philanthropic gent that I am, have taken it upon myself to be a blinding light of truth, shining directly into the black, cold soul of Lady Gaga.



Ok, so let's start with the obvious: Her music. To say that Lady Gaga has a bad voice is just foolish. She can sing, and she does it well. Having said that, to say that Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson, amongst others, don't share striking similarities is also just foolish. Take that fucking Bad Romance song. The bass-snare combination gives it this sort of industrial sound, which Lady Fucking Asshole Gaga, said herself, is what she was going for. Ok, that's fine, make an Industrial song and call it Pop, whatever. Do NOT, however, have the audacity to completely snatch Manson's sort of forced Baritone singing and to a beat that is also totally Manson-esque. I'm not saying that I'm a huge Marilyn Manson fan or anything, I just really like ruining things for people. A lot of people will combat my anti-music theories with the arguement that Lady Gaga can play piano... Oh..my..god. Do you mean to tell me that a MUSICIAN knows how to play an INSTRUMENT?! Someone call the fucking Pope, Lady Gaga knows how to play piano. Shut the fuck up, who cares if Gaga can tickle the ivories? That hardly gives her a "Get Out of Accepting the Fact That You're Just Another Pop Singer" card.



On a related note, the fact that her second cd was literally nothing more than the first cd with some other songs added to it, is fucking ridiculous. Do you people really not see the cheap gimmick that she's pulling? To say that she had to re-release it with more songs because she felt the first one wasn't "complete" isn't commendable or impressive at all. It's just her saying, "Hey, I released an incomplete cd, and it was a hit, so I'm going to give you the same cd, except this time it's actually finished. Buy it!" and you bought it, didn't you?



I was actually really looking forward to talking about this. Her fucking fashion. I think it's a reasonable assumption to make that Lady Gaga is hugely identified by her zany outfits, yeah? Well, that'd be totally cool, except for one thing. SHE'S A FUCKING MUSICIAN. If you write songs for a living, and people pay more attention to your fucking stupid costumes, you're fucking up. It just proves how forgettable her music is. If people stop paying attention to your singing because your t-shirt has elephant tusks jutting out from the shoulders, you just stopped being a musician. You're now a piss-poor excuse for a model who just happens to sing. It's just like with Manson! First of all, Lady Gaga totally snagged his digs on more than one occasion. Second, people talked about his clothes and shit just as much, if not more than they did his music. The only time people actually talked about his music is when kids shot other kids and then shot themselves. Unfortunately for Lady Gaga, I don't think anyone's gonna blame her for a mass murder/suicide. Maybe just the suicide, but not murder. Ok maybe the murder too.



Finally, let's talk about her sexuality. She's openly admitted to preferring women over men before, but she's not a lesbian. Thus making her bisexual. Lady Gaga, you are not fucking bisexual. No one in the entire world is bisexual. I refuse to believe anything other than the fucking fact that it's a bullshit ploy to get gay dudes to like her even more than they already would. She's got this condescending pro-feminist attitude that just pisses me off so much. Hey Lady Gaga. I'd rather stick my dick inside of a barracuda's mouth than that ghostly orifice you so inappropriately call your vagina. If you're gonna dig chicks, then stop making these absurd "I'm so mad at my ex-boyfriend" music videos that actually hold ZERO relevance to the song involved. It's not that I expect all music videos to follow a story relevant to the song. It's just when musicians try and force a plot into a music video and turn it into a movie is when I get pissed. Back off, stay in your realm, you asshole. I feel like if a dude musician made a video like that "Telephone", in which this dude gets out of jail, gets picked up by his possibly gay lover (Beyonce, what the fuck?), and poisons and kills his one time female lover, people would SHIT themselves. They'd scream out "Fag!" and "Domestic violence!" Actually, that sort of sounds like something Marilyn Manson would do.



Look, maybe I'm going to sound like an asshole, but honestly, I feel like I'm doing the musician a favor by listening to them, and if I think the musician is a complete and utter tool, then I'm gonna be like fuck that noise! Lady Gaga, is in fact, a tool. She, in attempting to be completely original, has made herself into a complete carbon copy of any other over-the-top artist. Had she just focused on making music, had she just fixed her eyes upon the very piano that got her to where she is now, instead of looking into space, then I probably wouldn't have had to write all this shit. Thanks for making me care Lady Gaga, I look forward to your funeral. I'll be wearing a bedazzled speedo and shoulder pads.

Dear Avatar,,,

Prof. Paul Frommer, it is your job, your duty, as a professor to further people's intelligence. So, the fact that you have ANYTHING to do with the Na'vi language and the large following of people who are actually learning to speak this language makes me want to fucking kill you. Thanks for taking a monumental shit on the idea of intelligence, you dick. Also, if you're trying to learn this language, just keep going. Dedicate every waking, and sleeping moment for that matter, to the idea of a reality in Pandora, you fucking hopeless idiot. I HATE you. HAAAAAATE you.



The fact that so many people were so unbelievably captivated by this movie only proves that pretty lights and colors can still hypnotize the large majority of the populace, you fucking subhuman ape creatures. Don't sit there and say you liked the story. You're a liar. Go watch Dances With Wolves if you liked the Avatar story. That movie, despite being really fucking lame, at least had enough substance to it that it did well. All Avatar and James Cameron did was bend Kevin Costner over a pinball machine and took turns brutally raping him... In 3-D! Look, I'm all about fun movie going experiences, but the fact that I spoke with a man the other day about the utter audacity they had for saying that Avatar was the #1 movie of all time... And he agreed... Just goes to show how completely dense we've become. Also, these dvd sales... You should be ashamed. 3-D in a movie theater is exponentially better than 3-D at home. You've got the movie industry's blood all over your filthy fucking hands.



I recently decided to nut-up and sit through this three hour shit-show atrocity we call Avatar. The acting was shit. The plot was shit. The action scenes were few and far between, and considering this is considered to be an Action/Adventure movie, that means it's shit. It doesn't do a good job in ANY ASPECTS AT ALL, aside from being really, really pretty. Which, honestly, didn't really win me over. I wasn't that blown away. Also, the fact that James Cameron keeps getting all of this praise is absolute horse shit. Unless he spent all of those tireless hours on a computer tinkering away making a regular human babe look like she's a giant blue babe, he really didn't do much of anything.



In conclusion, Avatar can indefinitely, endlessly, ruthlessly go fuck itself in a fashion not unlike a sea serpent would. Entangled, frantic, and confusing. James Cameron, the same goes for you, though I don't doubt that you already masturbate to your own mirror image, you jowly, sloppy, micro organism. Thank you.

What the fuck?

Why do people still refer to homes as "cribs" still? Hey, faggot. It's not 2001 anymore, which isn't really the point, considering it was never really cool to say cribs. You have to completely go out of your way to start calling a residence a "crib". I know you weren't raised in an environment that used that phrase. So the only other possibility is somewhere in between your, more than likely, accidental birth, and current day, you decided that using the word "crib" in any way other than what you stick your stinky, ugly offspring in so you don't have to take care of it, would somehow be cool, unique, or interesting. Fuck you, I don't live in a crib, I live in a house. That goes double for throwing up a peace sign with the back of your hand facing out, with a bend wrist and saying "payce yo." FUCK OFF.



Pitroff's coming home at the end of July. I hope he doesn't expect Cincinnati to be different... At all.



This generation is seriously full of fucking idiots. Electronic music is cool to listen to sometimes. SOMETIMES. But to base your entire music library on a series of beeps, modified voices, and bass beats is just fucking stupid.

Some of these kids' haircuts are so... Fucking... Stupid. It makes me want to save them the embarrassment of living another day and just hack off their head and shove it up their gaping assholes. They'd look a lot less retarded that way. You know exactly what haircuts I'm talking about too. You definitely know.

Remember when 80's style, music, and fashion went out of style? Yeah, me neither. BECAUSE IT WAS SO LONG AGO. Remember when it became cool again? Yeah, me neither. BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING STUPID. Rihanna is, as far as I'm concerned, is the only human being allowed to pull it off because she's fucking hot regardless of what she's doing. If she was vomiting into a stroller with a mentally challenged infant strapped in there, she'd still be hot.